"I'm turning into someone that I never thought I'd have to be again."

I don't like admitting, showing

The feelings I have inside, the darkness, loneliness that I feel inside.

It's new, it's beautiful, it's a great adventure.

And the more I can repeat this, the more I can try to convince myself.

Convince myself that I am fine, that I am happy. That I don't need anyone.

Because like they said it many times, I am a party on my own.

I don't need anyone, anything. Just me.

Just me, my free crazy mind and beer.

That's what they think, that's what they see.

So why change, change their mind.

Why tell them that behind my smiles there's loneliness.

That behind my screams there are tears.

That behind every pictures, every facebook status, every tweet there is a person that is hurt inside.

I try to hide that I am alone, that I am not a fine on my own.

I am not the life of the party, I party to forget that I have nothing really live for, nothing real.

I decided to make my life as superficial as it can be,

Superficial because real life is too complicated.

Too hurtful

Too lonely

Too hard

Too r.e.a.l

And the truth is I can't handle it, I can't even face it.

I don't know who I am, what I am or what to do.

But for you I will always but on a mask.

Put on a smile. You will look at me but not really see who I am.

Because if I keep repeating that I am fine.

If you keep on seeing that I am fine.

For a second, I become the person that I pretend to be.

For a few second, I become the person that you see.

And for those seconds everything is fine and I feel, for a few seconds, that I can be truly happy.

So you're tired of living and you feel like you might give in
well don't it's not your time ... don't take your life because it's all that you've got 

- Fuck buying flowers for graves. -

This song ->  Youtube: "I guarantee that you'll wake up in a better place in a better time." 

The music stops I want to rescue want to scream out loud

There's always a time in your life when you get so upset and kind of tired that for a few seconds you just want to be numb.

For a few minutes you just want, no you need to be numb. To feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Think about something sweet, something you love, something you hate, hear an emo song and feel nothing, nada, niet. Just hear those words that mean nothing but mean so much because those feelings you felt them once, long ago. But you don't know if you want to feel them again.

You're not sure if you even can. Because you felt so much, at some point, for so many people, for someone. But now it's all gone.

They're all gone.

And you feel empty, you feel hurt, and you just want to feel numb, to feel nothing.

Because maybe feeling nothing for just a few hours can make you feel better.

And I'll admit that sometime I hope, I dream that it will all end.

That at some point they will all be back.

That I will feel all that I've once felt for some many people, for someone.

That one day I won't even dare thinking about being numb because I will feel so much that nothing in the world could stop me from feeling this amazing.

But suddenly, I wake up. Suddenly I am back in my chair, back my cold chair, back in my cold chair in my lonely room.

And suddenly all this happiness seems so far, too beautiful, too unreal. Like from another world, like from a place I will never visit again.

And suddenly the pain is back, so real, so strong. And I don't want to think about it anymore.

All I want is to drink the sweet poison that is alcohol and forget where I am, forget who I am and just let the darkness that surrounds us swallow me entirely.

Because I simply don't want to feel anymore.

Because for a few minutes you just want, no you just need to be numb. To feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Ballerina by Leona Naess > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cje58i9-DfE