The simplest definition I could have of our society is this saying: “Be yourself — no, not like this.” Because even though we are told to “let go and be free” this is not really how society sees it. As one deviant little person I know I have been faced many, many times with people saying things such as “This is not how you do things”; “there is a reason why it has always been like this it is because it works” or “What will people say.” Well personally I could not give a rat’s ass about what “people” will say. The only people I care about are my friends and family. Family doesn’t always have to know, and for my friends I will use my favourite quote by the genius Dr.Seuss “Say what you want and be who you are, because those who matter don’t mind, and those who matter don’t mind.” So here it goes, another list of things that should be obvious but really aren’t.
1. Not liking going out. Okay so you’re what is
commonly called a book worm, and your idea of a great wine is somewhere between
being alone with tea& your favourite book or you + a few very close friends
drinking wine. That’s cool too. Plus with this hipster trend, book worms are
totally in.
2. Being a party animal. By the time you get to
2nd year of University a lot of people are giving the speech of how
they’re now “grown ups” and they do not have time anymore for childish things
such as going clubbing & getting white girl wasted. But you’re 24 years old
and you still like partying (hard). You do what you have to do, fulfill
all your commitments and if after that just want to get down to the new hit of
the summer, Go you! Like Homer Simpson said, “Never too old to ROCK!”
3. Being fat or too skinny. It’s 2014 and the
definition of beautiful is some curves with a tight body for girls & for
boys muscles galore. But Ryan Gosling, Tyrese, Kim K, Tyra Banks,
Beyonce…ect are NOT generalities. Most “normal” people are considered to have
way too many curves or not enough. And they are a standard that is almost
unachievable. So not why love who you are, be healthy, and be happy. You’re
1m74 and 80kg or you’re 1m70 and 60kg, if your doctor says you’re healthy don’t
let anyone else tell you otherwise YOU ARE ONE BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING!
4. Being a powerful woman. As a powerful woman it is
always hard to 1) Get to the highest level of your career and 2) find a man
that will accept you as a powerful woman that may make more money than him.
Why? I don’t know society sucks. But never ever pretend to be less than what
you are to please anyone.
5. Being a sensitive man. Since the beginning of times, men have been expected to be
strong & apparently insensitive. “Emotions? Eww that’s for girls.” But
guess what, men do have emotions too, and showing them doesn’t make you any
less of a man. If anything it makes you more of a man for accepting &
dealing with them.
6. Not speaking the language of
your “ancestors.” This one is something I have been accused of many, many
times. I do not speak any African language, I can maybe understand a few words
here and there but that’s it. It’s not my fault and it doesn’t make me less of
an “African”. I grew up learning one language and I was never really exposed to
anything else other than French (and later on English).
7. Sleeping with a lot of
people. Oh
the infinite arguments & double standards. We’ve heard them all; about the
locker and the key, how the body is a temple…etc. But maybe, just maybe someone
that sleeps around does have a lot of respect for him/herself & his/her
body (and person). And because of that they want to keep their mind & body
healthy by working out and enjoying themselves. If they protect themselves and
are not doing it to please anyone else, who are we to judge?!
8. Wanting to wait for the
right person, even if you’re 28 or 34. As much as sleeping around is badly seen,
you are also seen as deviant when you “keep it” longer than most people. The
average age for losing your virginity is often between the late teens &
early 20’s. If you’re still a virgin in your late 20’s it’s a bit weird and in
your 30’s people are just sad for you. But why? Sex is a personal decision that
concern no one in the world but you. If you’re waiting for something special,
that’s okay.
9. Being a rape survivor
or someone who has been abused. You are not a victim! What happened to you isn’t you, what
happened to you is part of you but isn’t all that you are. You don’t have to
talk about it, but it doesn’t make you less of a human. If anything it makes
you stronger and more able to deal with the hardships of life.
10. Enjoying things that
are normally for the opposite gender. “This is a girl’s Tv show.” or “This is
something boys like.” We’ve all heard it and probably said it. Because society
put it in our heads. You’re a girl and you enjoy scotch, cigars & hockey or
you’re a boy and you enjoy art, calligraphy & love stories. This is who you
are, be proud!
11. Being homosexual. Do I even need to explain
this? BORN THIS WAY! And even if it was a “choice” to be a homosexual, why do
you care who they love? Maybe you don’t like guys that have blonde hair or only
like girls with very long hair, nobody is making a law against that. We should
just let people love who they want to love, they’re not hurting anyone. And
between you & I, there are way too many different kinds of beautiful people
to expect everyone to have the same taste as us. LOVE OVER EVERYTHING! :D
12. Being religious. Often when people think
of religion they think about close minded people complaining that everyone else
in the world is living in sin because their Bible said so. Some may think it is
crazy to believe in “an invisible man in the sky” or to “pray to a tree”. But
religion is about so much more than this, it gives people hope, it gives them
faith; that things will someday get better. They believe! [To be honest I wish
sometimes I was a very strong believer, because I often get jealous of the
faith they have, they truly believe that He will make it all good again.]
13. Being hairy. Yes this had to be
covered too. Because we’re getting to a point where not only women but also men
feel the need to be hairless. For some reason, this fashion trend is very
famous. Modern society hates hair. Even if hair is completely natural and proof
of “adulthood”-of physical maturity. Your hair is part of who you are, don’t
let any fashion trend (old or new) tell you how you should be groomed-or dress
(since we’re on the same topic).
14. Being HIV positive or
having an STD/STI. You are not an idiot. Most of the time all it takes is one
mistake, or something that you probably couldn’t have controlled yourself.
Again, what happen to you is part of you but isn’t all that you are. You don’t
have to talk about it, but it doesn’t make you less of a human. If anything it
makes you stronger and more able to deal with the hardships of life.
15. Telling your friends
you’re not able to afford something. Especially in your early 20s, you’re just
figuring out life and it is hard- distancing yourself from your parents’ bank
account but also not being able to fully survive on your own. And if your
friends really are your friends they should understand that you are again
saying no to yet another “Thai restaurant night”, because all you can afford is
“Cheap wine & pizza night” and that should be okay too.
16. Not wanting a “good
job” and a big career. Modern society wants us to be driven and over-motivated
people that want the “best job” with the highest paycheck: the villa on the
beach, summer in the Alps and winter in the Bahamas. But some people just want
to have a job they love that will pay enough to be economically stable without
having to be ostentatious.
17. Being “too dark” or
“too pale.” Black girls using dangerous skin bleachers, Asian girls
forever hiding from the sun, White girls desperately trying to be more tanned.
Why are we trying to change the way we look to have Rihanna’s or J-Lo’s
skin when it is not a colour naturally achievable for our “race” group. Whether
you’re as dark as Naomi Sims or as pale as Ed Sheeran, it doesn’t make you any
less beautiful or talented.
18. Not wanting to get
married or have kids. Yes, the “dream” is the mansion with your 2.5 kids, a
beautiful person by your side and a dog (or cat) with an original name. But
some people really do not want to have kids, I know you say “they say that now,
they will grow up and want kids eventually, they will want to get married.” But
not everyone has that in mind, it might happen like an unexpected accident, and
they’ll end up in a family. I am not saying it is NEVER going to happen, I am
saying in is not in everyone’s plans.
19. Wanting to be a
housewife, or househusband (stay-at-home-dad) for that matter. While some can’t
imagine their lives with companion + kids others can only imagine that. They’re
not trying to reach for that perfect high paying job. All they really want to
be in life is a stay-at-home-parent. And that too is an acceptable career
choice. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “A stay-at-home-dad.” There
is no shame in that. If you can afford it, do it.
20. Being in an open
relationship or unusual relationship (e.g. three people). In modern society there
is only one kind of acceptable type of love-relationship and that is a monogamous
one. And you hear people saying “0pen relationships never work, why even get
into a relationship if it’s to keep seeing other people?” That is a good
question, why? Well maybe because you do truly love the person you are in a
relationship with but you also know that you want to see other people (or just
need to know that you can). No, it has nothing to do with the fact that your
significant other isn’t “good enough”. Maybe it is because you do not
want to cheat on the other person that, from the beginning you put your cards
on the table. Also it might be hard to believe but some people are capable of
separating the emotional from the physical, or even love more than one person
at a time. They are not freaks; they are not liars or players. Sometimes this
is just who they are.
21. Listening to audio books
instead of just reading them. I know people want to say “but Audiobooks are just not the
same, we get so much more from reading ourselves.” or “Audiobooks are for lazy
people”. Maybe we should consider that Audiobooks are beneficial to people who
have a lot of troubles concentrating but still want to be educated (and do not
have 3 free months on their hands to read “The Great Gatsby”).
22. Having (and maybe
enjoying) a job that isn’t “socially approved” — e.g.: Prostitute, stripper,
porn star…etc. Since beginnings of times jobs such as Prostituting and
Stripping are taboos and represent the worst kind of jobs you could get. “Why
would anyone want to take their clothes off for money?” you think. Well, why
would anyone do anything for money? Either they have no choice and do really
need to get money or they actually enjoy what they’re doing. To quote Quinn
from How I met Your Mother “I like being a stripper and I’m good at it”. Don’t
be so quick to judge someone as disgusting, sad or a victim of society,
especially when you don’t know why they’re doing what they’re doing in the
first place.
23. Being in love. Yes, love has been
idealised into something perfect and beautiful that everyone desires in life,
but like stated before some people don’t. Some people actually pride themselves
in being an “Emotionless-person”. They live alone. Have their friends. But
never get into serious relationships, because they don’t want to or simply
haven’t felt the desire to do so (in the last 24 or 28 years). But suddenly
they catch feelings like you would catch the flu and there’s nothing they can
do about it. There’s no remedy for this one. And even though emotions &
Love may seem like something that is for “weak & sensitive” people. There
is no shame in having feelings. “Tell someone you love them today, because
life is short. But shout it at them in German because life is terrifying and
confusing.” LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!
Originally posted on ThoughCatalog "23 Things everyone should stop feeling ashamed of" on April 25, 2014.
